Self-Forgiveness

“When you initially forgive, it is like letting go of a hot iron. There is initial pain and the scars will show, but you can start living again.”
― Stephen Richards

I am not my mistakes. 

I am not the emotions I feel. 

I am not my shortcomings. 

I must remind myself of this every time I find it challenging to forgive myself for not knowing better in order to have done better.

It has taken countless therapy sessions, reflecting with close friends & seeing my reality for what is and not for what it “should” be. There was a time that I found it so much easier to forgive others, but when it came to forgiving myself, my goodness it became a tension of suppressed emotions. It was as if the bandage of an unhealed wound was ripped off and all that is left is the deep sting surrounding it. 

I became tired of this feeling and realized that there were things I needed to do differently in order to truly learn how to forgive myself. 

I took time to reflect and accept that I had unhealed wounds from not only my childhood, but from adulthood as well. We all carry our wounds. Some wounds are organized in luggage that travels with us from relationship to relationship. While others are messy and on display for the world to see. Regardless of how we package them, they are there waiting to be addressed. Waiting to be healed. 

The best way I have dealt with them is by recognizing they exist and sitting with the emotional waves that they bring. I then begin to accept them and most importantly, accept myself for who I am in that present moment. Raw. Mistakes and all. 

Through this acceptance I remind myself that I am human and I show up to situations in my life the best I know how with what I know at that moment. 

I then make amends when I have wronged others. 

I take time to learn the lesson from the experience. 

Based on that learning, I ask myself what changes will be required of me to better handle a similar situation in the future. 

I process life as it happens and not how I think it “should” have happened. 

This approach pushes me to let go of the old narratives I have created in my mind. 

Allowing me to step into the next level of my journey for growth & healing. 

And begin to create a healthier self-esteem that builds a more solid bridge to my self-worth. Because when I know my worth, I remember that I am worthy of forgiving myself, too.