“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
– Oscar Wilde
How are you feeling? What a loaded question, since as humans, that is all we do throughout our day… feel. At the time I am writing this blog post, it is October and the spirits of ghouls and goblins are all around us. Therefore, I decided to discuss feelings that can haunt us. Particularly fear and anger, as we embark on a journey to understand their dynamics through the lens of resilience. Robert Plutchik’s theory of primary emotions suggests that fear and anger are two potent emotions that can often consume us if left unobserved. I couldn’t agree more. Fear and anger are so potent that they can seep into all areas of our lives if we leave them unaddressed. So, let’s explore what happens to us when we experience these emotions and how we can harness their energy to grow stronger and more resilient.
Why hello, Fear. Nice to meet you.
Fear, as one of the primary emotions, is wired deep within our true being. It’s a natural response to perceived threats and dangers. When fear engulfs us, our bodies go into survival mode, triggering the famous fight-or-flight response. Adrenaline surges through our veins, our hearts race, and our senses become hyperalert. While this response is crucial for our survival, chronic fear can be detrimental to our physical and mental well-being.
So, how can we manage fear through the lens of resilience?
Awareness: The first step to resilience is self-awareness. Acknowledge your fear, identify its source, and understand that it’s a natural response. By recognizing it, you can begin to take control.
Acceptance: Embrace fear as a part of being human. Accept that you are allowed to feel fear without judgment. Remember, it’s okay to be afraid; it doesn’t make you weak. I will say it again to those that read it too quickly, it is ok to be afraid.
Mindfulness: If you’re an avid reader of my blog you are probably tired of hearing me talk about mindfulness. It is so important to engage in mindfulness practices to stay grounded in the present moment. Breathing exercises and meditation can help calm your nervous system and reduce the intensity of fear. Again it is ok to feel fear, but it is equally important to know how to ground yourself during these times.
Reframing: Transform fear into a catalyst for growth. See it as an opportunity to challenge yourself and develop resilience. Instead of avoiding what you fear, confront it with courage.
These are the reminders that some of our parents didn’t teach us, but have no fear, your resilience coach is here. As cheesy as that sounds, I wholeheartedly mean it. With that said, let me move toward the next uncomfortable emotion… Anger. Anger is another primary emotion; it is often seen as negative, but it has its purpose. When we perceive an injustice or a threat to our well-being, anger ignites within us. It’s a powerful force that, when harnessed correctly, can bring about positive change. However, uncontrolled anger can harm relationships and lead to self-destructive behavior. We all know we don’t need more angry folks out there…Yikes.
Let’s explore resilience in the face of anger:
Pause and Reflect: When anger arises, take a moment to pause. Avoid reacting impulsively. Understand that anger is a messenger, not an enemy. An important sentence frame that can help is learning how to say, “I’m feeling angry right now and I need a moment to respond.” Give yourself the time and space to pause.
Emotional Intelligence: Develop emotional intelligence by recognizing the triggers and patterns that lead to anger. Use this insight to choose a more constructive response.
Communication: Instead of lashing out, express your anger assertively, not aggressively. Share your feelings and concerns with others in a respectful manner. You don’t do this for others, you do this for you. When we respond with respect we eliminate the possibility of feeling shame because we (again) give ourselves time and space to think before responding.
Forgiveness: Practice forgiveness, both towards others and yourself. Holding onto anger only perpetuates suffering. Letting go can be incredibly liberating.
The Path to Resilience
Being human is complicated because of the many emotions we feel through moments in our life. Emotions like fear and anger are threads that add depth and color to our experiences. As resilient individuals, we have the power to weave these threads into something beautiful. By acknowledging, accepting, and harnessing these emotions, we can channel their energy toward personal growth and transformation.
Remember, resilience isn’t about never feeling fear or anger; it’s about how we respond to these emotions. Embrace them as opportunities for self-discovery and empowerment. With resilience as your guide, you can transform fear into courage and anger into positive change. Let these emotions be the fuel that propels you toward a brighter, more resilient future.
Stay resilient, my friends, and embrace the power within you!
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